Task 2 Band 6 sample answer 1

Band score: approximately 6.0

The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the essay.


You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in study be motivated to learn?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


Living in the competitive world, better education [expand title=”always” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] this is too strong – it’s not always[/expand] [expand title=”comes with” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘leads to a'[/expand] higher [expand title=”living standard” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘standard of living’ is the most common construction[/expand]. [expand title=”How to improve” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘Improving’ – how to improve is more of a question form[/expand] the education in children, especially the [expand title=”one” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ones[/expand] who [expand title=”does” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘do'[/expand] not like studying, is a problem for [expand title=”education” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘the education'[/expand] industry in [expand title=”every country” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] this is too strong – it’s not every country, but could be ‘most countries'[/expand].

When [expand title=”the” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘a'[/expand] child is too young to understand the importance of studying, it is [expand title=”really hard” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] this is too informal – ‘particularly difficult'[/expand] to have the motivation. At [expand title=”the” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘an'[/expand] early stage, in junior primary school for example, a little discipline is necessary. Though [expand title=”studing” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘studying'[/expand] like reading and counting maybe not as interesting as watching cartoons, spending some time on these [expand title=”boring” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] this is not academic – ‘less interesting'[/expand] subjects should be compulsory. These measures will give them the ability to enjoy learning activities [expand title=”in coming future” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘in the future'[/expand], when they [expand title=”will be” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘are likely to be'[/expand] more confident to explore [expand title=”the unknown area” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘unknown areas'[/expand].

However, to increase the [expand title=”confidence” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] it is not clear yet why the paragraph is referring to confidence rather than motivation and interest[/expand] in studying, the most [expand title=”important” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘important factor'[/expand] is encouragement, especially in senior primary school and secondary school, when the children need to expand their knowledge dramatically. Most [expand title=”of the student” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘students'[/expand] are disinterested in learning because of [expand title=”lack of confident” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘a lack of confidence'[/expand]. If an [expand title=”encourage” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘encouraging'[/expand] enviroment is provided, they [expand title=”will” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘may’ – will is too strong[/expand] [expand title=”have fun” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘be more entertained’ would be more formal[/expand] in studying and enjoy the feeling of achievement, hence will be motivated to learn more. In consequence, a better education level can be expected.

Moreover, [expand title=”academy” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘academic study'[/expand] does not [expand title=”necessary” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] necessarily[/expand] have to be boring, it can be fun. For young children, knowledge can be [expand title=”tought in” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘taught using'[/expand] cartoons. The Blue Cat series is a successful [expand title=”sample” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘example'[/expand] in China, [expand title=”which” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] putting ‘which’ here means that what follows refers to China, not the Black Cat serial[/expand] is [expand title=”a” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘an'[/expand] educational program enjoyed by many children in China. In order to get better [expand title=”result in” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘results from'[/expand] children, knowledge can be delivered via children’s favourite cartoon characters. For the teenager, the idols in the entertainment industry play a big role [this could have been combined with the following sentence with ‘and as such'[/expand]. They should be encouraged to send the correct messages to their fans.

In conclusion, compulsory education is necessary at an early stage of studying, while [expand title=”encourage” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘providing an encouraging'[/expand] [expand title=”enviroment” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”‘] ‘environment'[/expand] and teaching in more entertaining ways are extremely important.

(310 words)

 


Comments:

At 310 words, this is longer than the ideal range of 260 – 280 words. Although this is not directly a problem, it does give the examiner more chances of finding errors or penalising you for not being sufficiently concise.

There is a mix of different levels of vocabulary where a more formal vocabulary should be used throughout (avoid words like ‘boring’).

An example is provided to demonstrate the point in the third paragraph (the Blue Cat series) but the writer has not given other examples for the first two paragraphs, and the topic sentence, development and support are not always clear.

The essay often uses dogmatic statements that are not always true and would be better modified slightly (‘every county’ > ‘most countries’)

However, the essay is relevant to the topic and the use of linking words is generally accurate and varied.

 


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