Academic Module Task 1 Band 6 sample answer 2

Band score: approximately 6.0

The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.


You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar chart shows the number of children in two different age groups in an average class in different countries.

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 2

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The bar graph illustrates the number of students [expand title=”on” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘in’][/expand] an average class at different ages (9 and 13) in [expand title=”different countries” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [be more specific – ‘in 4 different countries as well as the global average’][/expand].

It is clearly shown in the graph that Hong Kong and Japan had the [expand title=”most” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘highest’][/expand] number of students at the age of 9; Hong Kong had 35 [expand title=”number of” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this][/expand] students per class at age 9[expand title=”” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [This could have been more succinctly put – ‘Hong Kong had 35 students per class, while Japan had 31.’][/expand] while Japan had [expand title=”moreover” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [this linking word is not appropriate here][/expand] 31 [expand title=”number of” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this][/expand] students per class. However, Japan had an increase [expand title=”number of students” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this – it is repetition][/expand] to about 24 but the students in Hong Kong dropped [expand title=”at” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘to’][/expand] 31 students per class at the age 13.

The United States and the [expand title=”Global Average” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [no need for capital letters here – ‘global average’][/expand] had an equal number of 23 students per class at the age of 9 but fell by age 13.

Russia, [expand title=”on the other hand” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [this phrase needs to be surrounded by commas – ‘Russia, on the other hand, had…’][/expand] [expand title=”got” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [this is too informal – ‘had’][/expand] the lowest number of students both at age 9 and 13, having only 10 and 9 students per class accordingly.

To summarise, at the age of 9[expand title=”” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [comma needed here too][/expand] there were [expand title=”more students in Hong Kong” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [we don’t know that there were more students in the country – only that they had more per class][/expand] but as the students reached the age of 13, [expand title=”most of the students” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [Again, we don’t know that ‘most’ students studied in Japan, only that they had most per class][/expand] [expand title=”were” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this][/expand] studied in Japan.

(176 words)


Comments:

The main information is given, but there are very few sentences that do not contain errors. There are some inappropriate words as well as some incorrect grammar, and this is reducing the overall score. Some of the data is also incorrect – the number of Japanese students aged 13 did not rise to 24, it rose to 34.

However, the paragraphing is clear and logical.