Academic Module Task 1 Band 5 sample answer 2

Band score: approximately 5.0

The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.


You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows how people travelled to work in 1996 and 2001.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The chart [expand title=”is shows” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [just ‘shows’ – delete ‘is’] [/expand] the different modes of transportation used by the people in Grahamston on their way to work in the [expand title=”year” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘years’ – plural] [/expand] 1996 and 2001.

It is [expand title=”note” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘notable’] [/expand] that [expand title=”both in the year 1996 and 2001″ tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘in both years’ avoids repetition from the previous sentence] [/expand], [expand title=”a majority” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘the majority’ – there can only be only one majority] [/expand] of the people in Grahamston drove their own car or truck to [expand title=”go to” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this] [/expand] work. [expand title=”There were” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘This accounted for’ would be better] [/expand] about 58% in 1996 and increased to 68% in 2001. In the [expand title=”year” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this – it is obvious from the context] [/expand] 1996, the [expand title=”commonest used of” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘the most commonly used form of’] [/expand] transportation was a car or truck [expand title=”with 58%” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this – it is repetition] [/expand] and followed by private vehicle pasengers with 12% and a [expand title=”slightly” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘slight’] [/expand] difference of 2% with the [expand title=”used” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘use’] [/expand] of public transport [expand title=”of” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘at’] [/expand] 10%. The two least [expand title=”mode” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘common modes’] [/expand] of transport in Grahamston [expand title=”was by” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘were’ – delete by] [/expand] walking with 7% and [expand title=”by the bicycle of only” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘using a bicycle at only’] [/expand] 2%. There were about 6% people in Grahamston that worked at home.

In 2001, there was an [expand title=”increased” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘increase’] [/expand] of 10% in using [expand title=”their car and truck” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘cars or trucks’] [/expand] on their way to [expand title=”worked” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘work’] [/expand] from 58% to 68% in 1996 and 2001 accordingly. There was a slight [expand title=”increased” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘increase’] [/expand] of 3% in working at home reaching up to 9%. [expand title=”And” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this – don’t start a sentence with ‘and’] [/expand] with regards [expand title=”in” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [delete this] [/expand] using [expand title=”bicycle” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [either ‘a bicycle’ or ‘bicycles’] [/expand] [expand title=”ther” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘there’] [/expand] is an [expand title=”inceased” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘increase’] [/expand] of only 1%. There was [expand title=”” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [add ‘a fall of’] [/expand] almost half of the people [expand title=”used” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘who used’] [/expand] public transport from 10% in 1996 to 5% in 2001. [expand title=”An inclined” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘A rising’] [/expand] number of people walked to worked with 7%.

In [expand title=”conclusion” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [avoid this word in Task I. Use ‘To sum up’ instead] [/expand], [expand title=”mostly” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘most’] [/expand] of the people in Grahamston travelled to work by car or truck in 1996 and 2001 and there was [expand title=”increased” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘an increased’] [/expand] number of people who stayed at home for [expand title=”worked” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘work’] [/expand] with 6% in 1996 and 9% in 2001. The were only [expand title=”few” tag=”span” targtag=”span” targpos=”inline” trigclass=”my_trigger span_fix noarrow” targclass=”span_fix”] [‘a few’] [/expand] people who used the other modes of transportation.

(269 words)


Comments:

The first problem here is that the report is too long, and there are a number of minor errors with prepositions (‘of only 2%’) and structure. There is also too much repetition of key information. Basic grammar forms have a number of errors (there was an increased) and even simple plurals have been missed (the two least mode of transportation). There are a number of significant spelling errors and some of the language used is inappropriate (an inclined number of people). However, there is a clear overview and the writer has identified and expressed the main trends.